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Field notes

The hangar diary of Useless

Useless is the network’s eraser-in-residence. This time it has been posted to an aircraft hangar and told not to touch anything. Every fact in here has been checked by someone more qualified, i.e. anyone.

Useless, a pink-and-blue eraser with googly eyes
  1. Day 1

    Spitfire: 36 feet 10 inches from wingtip to wingtip. Me: about two centimetres from corner to corner. Basically the same, if you squint a lot. Britannica: Spitfire (John F. Guilmartin)

  2. Day 2

    The famous elliptical wing was about being thin, not pretty. I’m thin too. That’s from being rubbed against things. RAF Museum: The first flight of the Spitfire (Kris Hendrix)

  3. Day 3

    Mk I ailerons were covered in Irish linen, hand-doped. I’m covered in pencil dust, hand-smudged. IWM: The evolution of the Supermarine Spitfire (video transcript)

  4. Day 4

    In 1939 a squadron commander went into Cambridge to buy car mirrors for his Spitfires. I have no mirrors. I assume I look fine. IWM: Duxford and the Spitfire (audio slideshow transcript)

  5. Day 5

    They nearly called it the Shrew. Imagine the posters. Imagine the songs. Actually, don’t. IWM: The evolution of the Supermarine Spitfire (video transcript)

  6. Day 6

    The Merlin is a 27-litre engine. My whole pencil case holds about one litre, and that includes me. IWM: The Rolls-Royce Merlin engine (video transcript)

  7. Day 7

    The Griffon was nearly 10 litres bigger than the Merlin. I got 2 mm smaller this week. We are going in opposite directions. IWM: The evolution of the Supermarine Spitfire (video transcript)

  8. Day 8

    The F.24’s propeller turned the opposite way to a Merlin Spitfire’s. I also go round in circles, mostly on maths homework. IWM: The evolution of the Supermarine Spitfire (video transcript)

  9. Day 9

    Lots of wartime pilots said the Mk IX was their favourite Spitfire. I’m nobody’s favourite eraser. I’m fine. Totally fine. IWM: The evolution of the Supermarine Spitfire (video transcript)

  10. Day 10

    Early Spitfires had one black wing and one white wing underneath. I’m pink at one end and blue at the other. Recognise me, please. IWM: The evolution of the Supermarine Spitfire (video transcript)

  11. Day 11

    A Spitfire wing took three times as many man-hours as a Bf 109 wing. I took about three seconds in a factory. It shows. IWM: The evolution of the Supermarine Spitfire (video transcript)

  12. Day 12

    The first flight lasted about eight minutes. My longest flight: off the desk, roughly half a second. Landing: poor. RAF News: Spitfire flights mark 90th anniversary of first flight (5 Mar 2026)

  13. Day 13

    Over 20,000 Spitfires were built, and the sources still don’t agree on exactly how many. Nobody has ever counted erasers either. IWM: The evolution of the Supermarine Spitfire (video transcript) · checked 29 Oct 2026

  14. Day 14

    A magazine writer called the Spitfire ‘a poem of speed and precision’. Somebody once called me ‘that thing by the stapler’. IWM: Duxford and the Spitfire (audio slideshow transcript)

  15. Day 15

    The Battle of Britain Memorial Flight is up in the skies from May to September. I go up whenever somebody flicks me off the desk. RAF: Battle of Britain Memorial Flight · checked 29 Oct 2026

  16. Day 16

    Its motto is ‘Lest We Forget’. I forget everything. That’s sort of my job. But not this. RAF: Battle of Britain Memorial Flight